I won't let Nielsen ratings dictate what I should wear, dammit.
I'm honestly not sure why I still pay for cable. I watch maybe four current shows regularly, and a whole lotta news (so I can be super-fun at parties). Perhaps that's why when everyone and their mother -- well, my mother, at least -- was getting the shopping tingles about the new "Scandal"-inspired clothing line at The Limited, I was like, meh.
It's not that the collection doesn't look great. It has lovely, professional-looking pieces that say "I'm a powerful, intelligent woman with whom the President of the United States could conceivably fall in love," but I only know they say that based on commercials I've seen and overheard snippets of other people's conversations about the show because I don't actually watch "Scandal.
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So listen up, retailers: If you want me to get excited about a show-inspired clothing line, it's gotta be a show that has meant something to me at some point in my life -- none of this stuff-that's-popular-with-millions-of-people-right-now crap. I realize that my eclectic personal tastes are probably a risky business plan, but I have, like, almost 3,000 Twitter followers, so I'm kind of a big-deal Internet influencer, you know? My Klout score is 68! (I have no idea what that means.)
That's why some brand should definitely consider making clothing lines based on the following shows.
"Law & Order: SVU"
Back in 1999, Mariska Hargitay's Detective Benson started out dressing exactly how you'd expect a young detective to dress: a lot of pantsuits and button-down shirts. And she still does sometimes. But both she and newish Southern sassypants Detective Amanda Rollins, played by Kelli Giddish, have made things a little more interesting over the last couple of years with cropped leather jackets, textured blazers in colors other than black, foot-pursuit-friendly ankle boots, and solid-colored silky blouses that I'd ruin with sweat if I had to run so much as five feet after a perp.
I think it's obvious that Banana Republic should do an SVU line, but I guess no one would want to do a collection even remotely associated with sexual assault, albeit the fictional fight against it.
In the meantime (and by "meantime," I mean eternity, because it's not going to happen), here are a few pieces that'll help you get the look:
"Kids Incorporated"
She doesn't know it, but Fergie taught me how to sing -- through the TV, of course. Back when she was little-bitty Stacy Ferguson on "Kids Incorporated," I wanted to be her so very much. I'm not a fan of her music now, but she was a powerful vocalist, even as a pre-teen. You really haven't lived until you've watched her sing Phil Collins's "Take Me Home" in a Peter Pan costume.
But more important than that costume are the outfits the "Kids Inc." kids (for lack of a better word) would wear for their finale performances in each show. More often than not, sequins were involved, and they were ample.
To commit to sparkle motion "Kids Incorporated"-style, I'd go with...
"The Cosby Show"
If there was anyone I wanted to be as much as Stacy on "Kids Incorporated," it was Rudy Huxtable on "The Cosby Show." I remember finding out we were born in the same week, and that made me feel like we were twins. Also, I didn't understand how twins worked.
Rudy wasn't the show's major fashion plate, though. That distinction is split between three people:
Bill Cosby is known for his sweaters, but over the years, we've forgotten that he wore many more styles than just Coogi sweaters; he occasionally wore awesomely weird intarsia sweaters like the one above.
Theo may think his Gordon Gatrell knockoff is "the ugliest shirt" he's ever seen, but despite being poorly constructed, I happen to like the combination of golden yellow with contrasting black trim. It was Denise who made it for him, which is surprising when you consider how masterful she became at fashion in the following seasons, mixing prints and silhouettes in a way that still looks chic today.
These pieces remind me of their respective styles -- and I emphasize "respective" because you may not want to wear them all at once unless you've reached Denise Huxtable levels of mix-and-match prowess.
What TV series (new or old) would you want to see turned into a clothing line? Don't yell at me for not including "Twin Peaks" in this -- you can get your fix right here.